Embracing 48: A Birthday Bridge to My 16-Year-Old Self
I turn 48 today. Where did that come from?
It feels surreal to pause and reflect on the years that have flown by between these two images of me.
As I look back, it’s hard to reconcile the tough, uncertain 16-year-old I once was with the person I’ve become today: a father, an award-winning musician, a respected coach, a business owner, and someone who’s made an impact on many lives (I was told to remember this by one of my clients this week).
How did this all unfold? More importantly, how did I get here?
Today, I’m not just the sum of my experiences. I’m a reflection of all that’s been learned, all that’s been fought for, and all the wisdom gained through both triumphs and failures. And when I look back at my younger self, there’s so much I’d want to say.
Advice to My 16-Year-Old Self:
1. Trust the Process: You don’t need to have it all figured out now. There are a million different roads to take. Even when you’re unsure, just keep moving forward. You’ll be okay. It’s okay to not know exactly where you’re going, as long as you’re trying your best.
2. Don’t Let the World Define You:
You might feel pressure to fit into a box, whether it’s because of your background or the expectations others place on you. You don’t have to conform. Embrace your uniqueness—your grit, your intelligence, your resilience. There’s a bigger world out there than the one you’re seeing now, and you will shape it, not the other way around.
3. It’s Okay to Be Vulnerable: You might believe that toughing it out is the only way to survive. But true strength lies in knowing when to lean on others and when to be open with yourself. You don’t have to carry all the weight by yourself. Your worth is not just in your toughness, but in your kindness and empathy.
4. Value Your Mental and Physical Health: You’re smart and tough, but don’t overlook the importance of your body and mind. The scars of today, whether emotional or physical, might show up later in life. Pay attention to your self-care now, and learn balance.
5. Seek out Mentors and Allies: Sometimes, the people who believe in you the most aren’t the ones you expect. Find guidance, not just from those who’ve walked your path, but from those who can offer different perspectives. Their wisdom will be invaluable.
What My 16-Year-Old Self Might Tell Me:
1. Keep Fighting for What’s Right:
You’ve fought hard for your place in the world, and I can see you’ve made incredible strides. But don’t lose that fire inside you—the hunger for justice, to help others who are still struggling. Don’t get complacent. Keep pushing to make the world better, even in small ways.
2. You’re Still the Same Person:
You might have achieved all this success, but don’t forget where you came from. Don’t let the world’s expectations turn you into someone you’re not. Stay grounded, stay raw, stay real. Keep that inner toughness, that drive to rise above, no matter what comes your way.
3. Don’t Let Life Pass You By:
Sometimes it feels like you’re chasing a goal so hard that you forget to savour the moments along the way. Life is fleeting. There’s beauty in the process, and even in the failures, there are lessons. Enjoy it more.
4. You Don’t Need to Prove Anything: You’ve spent a lot of time proving your worth to others—whether it was through academic excellence, career success, or just surviving. But remember, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone anymore. Your value isn’t tied to achievements or titles.
5. Don’t Fear Change: You might have grown up thinking the only way to survive is to be unshakable. But life changes, and so will you. Embrace it. You’re capable of reinventing yourself—whether that’s in your career, relationships, or passions. Don’t fear it. The best is still ahead of you.
Mini Bio; whats informed this?
I grew up working-class in England, poor, academically brilliant, and tough, often battling bullies while searching for love and respect.
Along the way, I studied law, became an award-winning musician and coffee house founder, and I now get to coach some of the finest leaders you could wish to meet.
I have 4 children, have navigated divorce and had two breakdown. I rediscovered my passion for cycling at 45, after nearly 30 years away from it, achieving great things.
And I moved to the Isle of Wight a few years ago, with my then wife Becky, for a slower pace of island life.
In this conversation between my younger self and my older self, I reflected on the choices I’ve made, the challenges I’ve overcome, and the person I’ve become.
It has allowed me to reflect on a journey that’s as much about helping others as it is about personal achievement. All of this was informed by my past—by the raw ambition, the grit, and the lessons I learned early on.
It’s a reminder that no matter where we are in life, the drive for growth, learning, and making a difference never stops
How shall I conclude these reflections? With lyrics from three of my favourite artists; The Manic Street preachers and Jeff Buckley and my current favourite artist; Linkin park.
“You have to be authentic, you have to be yourself, because if you are not, you are nothing.” – Manic Street Preachers, “If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next”
“I want someone to come and tear me apart, I want to feel something real. I want to know what it’s like to be free.” – Jeff Buckley, “So Real”
"Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do." - Linkin Park
The words from these three icons capture the essence of who I was, who I am, and why I’m still becoming.
The first quote from the Manic Street Preachers speaks to the importance of authenticity—a message my older self holds close, knowing that true success comes not from pretending to be something you’re not, but from embracing what makes you unique.
The second, from Jeff Buckley, reflects the hunger and yearning that my younger self still feels—the desire to break free, to feel real and fully alive, even when the journey gets tough.
The third from Linkin park, captures the theme of loss and the impact of every individual life, as well as the loss many of us fear of our beautiful thriving planet.
At 48, I see now these quotes as the three sides of my personality; the teenager who fought for survival, the adult who has built a meaningful life and the parent and partner who wishes to leave behind a better world for those we care about. A set of connections and ways of looking at the world, that just might be more needed than I realised.
The fire that once burned to prove something to the world is now a fire that fuels my mission to help good people lead great things.
I’ve walked through many phases of life, but I’m still burning with that same desire for growth, for change, and for something real.
And that fire, I hope, will continue to burn for years to come.
Happy birthday to me and love to you all
Stefan
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For now; thank you
I am…
An executive coach who specialises in helping good people lead great things.
Good people care about others, our planet and beauty. Great things are changes for the betterment of society and all that lives within an around it.
It sounds big and fun - it is.
I'm also an endurance racing cyclist and a go. getter.
You can read more about me and what I do; how I work here