Coaching Tools: What would make now the right time?
What would make now the right time?
When considering personal development and growth through coaching, it's common for individuals to grapple with the limiting belief that "now is not the best time."
In my experience, this avoidance often stems from fears and uncertainties about change.
The prospect of change can evoke a range of emotions, from anxiety and apprehension to excitement and hope. Individuals may worry about the unknown, fearing that change could disrupt their established routines and comfort zones. This uncertainty can manifest as a reluctance to embrace new opportunities, such as coaching, because it requires confronting the familiar and venturing into uncharted territory.
Even more than this, the discomfort associated with change can lead to overwhelming feelings of doubt. Many people question their ability to adapt or whether the coaching process will genuinely lead to the desired outcomes. This self-doubt often fuels procrastination, making it easy to postpone decisions or defer personal growth.
The same ‘reasons’ that prevent someone from saying yes to coaching can often underpin other areas of procrastination in their life. By leaning into their reasons for not committing to coaching, individuals can develop a thoughtful approach that helps uncover the root causes of their hesitation. This self-exploration can facilitate a productive conversation, revealing not only the fears that hold them back but also the aspirations that inspire them to move forward.
Ultimately, addressing these uncertainties surrounding change can transform many facets of one’s life, paving the way for profound personal transformation.
One powerful question, to begin to uncover this, that I have asked prospective coaching clients is:
"What would make this the right time for you?"
This question shifts the focus from a fixed mindset about timing to a more exploratory mindset. It encourages the individual to evaluate their current situation and critically assess what circumstances would need to change for them to feel ready. This reflection can lead to valuable insights, revealing not only the barriers they perceive but also the motivations behind seeking coaching.
To further facilitate this conversation and encourage a deeper exploration of the fears underpinning the reluctance to engage in coaching, consider asking the following questions:
"What specific concerns do you have about starting coaching now?"
By directly asking about their concerns, you offer the individual a chance to articulate their fears. This could range from time constraints to doubts about the efficacy of the coaching process. Understanding these concerns is crucial in addressing them effectively."How do you envision your life in the next six months if you don’t pursue coaching?"
This question prompts the individual to visualise the consequences of inaction. It can highlight the potential stagnation or continued struggle they might face. Sometimes, the fear of change can be outweighed by the fear of remaining in a difficult position."What do you hope to achieve through coaching, and how do those goals align with your current situation?"
Focusing on personal aspirations can reignite motivation. This question helps the individual connect their goals with present circumstances, reinforcing the idea that coaching could serve as a bridge toward achieving those aspirations, regardless of timing."Can you think of a time when you overcame a similar fear or hesitation? What was different then?"
Reflecting on past experiences can empower individuals by reminding them of their resilience. It encourages them to draw parallels between previous challenges and their current situation, highlighting their ability to embrace change.
By utilising these questions, you are not just facilitating a conversation; you are guiding the individual through a process of self-discovery. This exploration often reveals that the belief of "now is not the right time" is more about internal fears than external realities.
Overcoming Barriers to Coaching: Creating Significant Life Shifts
Engaging in open and honest conversations on ‘the reasons’ is often a soothing experience. The chat, about the barriers to committing to being coached, can be even more powerful than the specific goals of coaching itself, as it addresses the underlying beliefs and values which influence our ability to achieve those goals.
By exploring these fundamental aspects, individuals gain clarity on what truly motivates them and what barriers they may need to overcome.
A wider application
The question "What would make this the right time for you?" isn’t just useful in this context, no, it can be effectively applied across various contexts, including leadership, life decisions, and relationships. Here are some applications for each area:
Leadership
Decision-Making: Leaders can use this question to guide team members who are hesitant about making a decision or implementing a project. By understanding what conditions need to be met, leaders can help address concerns and create a supportive environment.
Team Development: When discussing professional development opportunities, leaders can ask team members what they require to feel ready to engage in training or mentorship. This fosters openness and encourages team members to articulate their needs.
Change Management: During times of organisational change, leaders can ask this question to assess employee readiness. It allows leaders to identify potential obstacles and address them proactively, promoting smoother transitions.
Life
Personal Goals: Individuals can apply this question when contemplating major life changes or setting personal goals. It encourages self-reflection on what concrete steps or circumstances are necessary for them to feel prepared to pursue their aspirations.
Health and Wellbeing: When considering starting a new exercise or wellness routine, asking this question can help individuals identify what emotional or logistical barriers are holding them back and what support they might need.
Work-Life Balance: People can use this question to analyse their current commitments and determine what changes are necessary to create a more balanced life. This can lead to actionable steps toward stress reduction and a more fulfilling lifestyle.
Relationships
Communication: In a relationship context, partners can ask this question when facing difficult conversations or conflicts. It allows for the exploration of what conditions might need to be present for open, honest communication to occur.
Commitment: When discussing the future of a relationship, this question can help partners understand what fears or hesitations exist that prevent them from fully committing. It opens the door for discussions about expectations and desires.
Conflict Resolution: In moments of disagreement, asking what would make it the right time to resolve the issue can encourage both parties to express their feelings and find common ground. This approach promotes patience and understanding.
So what am I saying?
Overcoming the limiting belief that "now is not the right time" requires inquiry and introspection. By asking thought-provoking questions like "What would make this the right time for you?", we open the door to meaningful dialogue and self-reflection that can empower individuals in various aspects of their lives. This approach encourages people to confront their fears, articulate their concerns, and reframe their perspectives on timing, transforming hesitation into motivation.
In leadership settings, this mindset not only fosters personal growth but also enhances team dynamics by promoting open communication and addressing potential obstacles proactively. Leaders who embrace this question can create supportive environments that enable team members to feel more confident in their decision-making and professional development.
In personal life and relationships, this inquiry encourages deeper connections and understanding, allowing individuals to navigate challenges with clarity and purpose. By identifying what is needed for progress, individuals can work toward their aspirations while nurturing healthier relationships through improved communication and commitment.
Ultimately, coaching and self-discovery can reveal that there is no "perfect" moment—only the present moment and the myriad possibilities it holds. By embracing the now, individuals can embark on their journeys of growth, leading to a more fulfilling life, enriched relationships, and effective leadership. Each moment presents an opportunity to take action and make meaningful change, allowing personal and collective aspirations to flourish.
I’m blessed…
I have been blessed to hear the words “now is not the right time’ only on a few occasions and I think to borrow the words of one of my coachees, Dr. Kear Brain (herself a Chartered Clinical Psychologist).
“The ability to meet people where they’re at with compassion, good humour, humility and kindness is a rare and precious thing. Stefan has the capacity to blend his considerable professional skills with timely and well-judged self-disclosure, offering a welcome sense of shared humanity in the endeavour of working through our human struggles in times of difficulty. If you’re feeling stuck and ready for change—Stefan’s your man."
If you are stuck and unsure whether now is the right time for coaching; get in touch - it might not be - but - it just might be.
Thanks for reading.
Stefan
Did this resonate with you?
If this message resonates with you, get in touch; now is the time. Together, we can explore your unique journey and unlock the potential that lies within you.
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I am…
An executive coach who specialises in helping good people lead great things.
Good people care about others, our planet and beauty. Great things are changes for the betterment of society and all that lives within an around it.
It sounds big and fun - it is.
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